How to Start Listening to Yourself — Without Courses, Apps, or Gurus

For many years, I was an expert at listening to others. Coworkers, my boss, children, partner, parents. I knew what they needed before they even finished their sentence. And myself? I could barely hear myself at all.

When I started talking about it — during workshops and conversations with women — it turned out I wasn’t an exception. Almost every one of us struggles with the same thing. We are so used to reacting to the outside world that our own inner voice has become nothing more than a faint whisper.

“You don’t have to go into the desert to hear yourself. A moment of silence and a little courage are enough.”

What actually helps? Start with small things. Make yourself a cup of tea and sit with it — without your phone. Literally. Five minutes. Feel the warmth of the cup in your hands. Taste it. Notice your breath. This is not textbook meditation; it’s simply being with yourself.

Another method that works for many women is writing. Not a journal with plans and goals, but simply writing down your thoughts in the morning before you are fully awake. Three pages — whatever comes to mind. No censoring, no editing. It’s a technique described by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way, but you don’t have to be an artist to benefit from it. I have my own morning ritual, and writing those three pages is its central part.

Listening to yourself also means asking questions — and truly waiting for the answers. What am I feeling right now? What brings me joy? What troubles me? What do I need? Don’t look for the answers in your mind. Wait for the answer from your body. It knows first.

A circle is one of the places where this skill is practiced. When you sit in silence and listen to other women, you also learn to listen to yourself. The two go hand in hand.

If you would like to practice this skill in the company of other women, I warmly invite you to join an open Women’s Circle. More information can be found on the website in the Meeting Calendar.